Internship

Greetings from Midtown Manhattan. It's been a busy stretch since I've started my internship and I'll fill you in on a few things that have been going on.

Aside from sweltering in the summer heat, I've been working Monday through Friday at Urban American (UA), a multifamily investor who specializes in workforce housing in the NY/NJ region. My primary role is to support UA's finance team and assist with investor presentations, refinancing activity and due diligence on any potential acquisitions and dispositions.

My routine usually goes like this:

I get up bright and early to catch the #1 line (subway) heading downtown to Port Authority. From there I take a bus heading to West New York, NJ. The UA corporate office is actually in New Jersey right across the river from where I live in Manhattan. Morning commute usually takes around 45 minutes.

The bus takes me right where I need to be. Since I arrive with time to spare, I get a chance to buy breakfast every morning and a cup of coffee (let's just say McDonald's revenue has gone up as a result). By the time I get into the office, it's around 8:30 am. I'm always one of the earliest ones to arrive in the morning but I feel it's important to make that point to others; you're there to work and you want to make the most of the experience.

I usually start with whatever project I've been assigned by one of the full-time employees. Sometimes these projects take a day or two, others take up to a week (or two). One project I've worked on was an investor presentation for potential JV equity partners. That one took maybe a week since I had to get familiar with the properties and their operating statements three days into the internship. Can't make mistakes so it's better to reserve enough time to get it right.

My interaction with coworkers during the day varies. For example, if I'm on a project that requires me to team up with an asset manager, I have a lot of interaction with whoever I'm working with. Other times, I'm on my own. It's generally a good idea to take time to visit other people at their desks during the day and ask questions when you have them. It's helped me get to know my coworkers and get the know the company better.

The day ends around 5:30 to 6:00 pm for me. Occasionally I'll stay later but keep in mind my commute back is not short. Usually takes me about an hour and fifteen in traffic. To anyone who has to do it, bring a good book or headphones. Dinner is usually a post 7:00 pm affair and sometimes even later than that. But that's the life of an intern.

Just make sure to enjoy the experience. Try some new restaurants, organize a happy hour with friends, or catch a baseball game. This is the last time you will ever be an intern. Take it all in.

All Other-Sport Team

This past weekend, Cartoon Network played the movie Space Jam to the delight of many long-time Toon Squad enthusiasts. I find it very hard to believe that there is anyone out there that cannot find at least one thing he or she enjoys about that movie.

One of the biggest underrated aspects of the film are the myriad of NBA player cameos throughout the movie. I can't imagine in this day and age, seeing so many current NBA players make a cameo in a film. I mean, Ray Allen pulled it off and so did D-Miles, but to get Ewing, Barkley, Bradley, Bogues and LJ (not to mention a sneaky few second cameo from the one and only Vlady-Daddy)? In the words of Martin Lawrence's character Marcus Barnett from Bad Boys, "Shit just got real."

Besides the cameos, which put this kid-classic over the top, Space Jam also delivers by producing a semi-real life plot. Okay, I'm not talking about the aliens but follow with me.

The entire basketball to baseball back to basketball plot? That really happened. The ability of this film to play off the real life career change of Air Jordan right after his dad passed away is just another reason it is so special. Apparently, His Airness was not shy about using the theme of his failed baseball career to inspire a movie.

Anyways, the whole career change thing got me thinking. What if other professional athletes decided to switch sports? Now I'm not talking Deion Sanders or Bo Jackson situations where they played both sports growing up and eventually reached the highest level for both at some point in their professional career, I'm more interested in athletes who excel in one sport and suddenly switch to a sport they have never played in their life before. Just for fun, I wanted to offer some ideas of athletes who could dominate a second field of play. Let's begin:

Lebron James, Wide Receiver: What if the most athletic player in the NBA played the sport where pure athleticism is most rewarded? Imagine King James in the open field!

Tony Parker/Steve Nash, Forward (soccer): Small, crafty and extremely gifted playmakers, these two could really excel on the pitch.

Floyd Mayweather Jr., Center-fielder: The quickest hands in professional sports might come in handy when trying to make contact on a Justin Verlander fastball.

Shaun White, Figure skating: The dude feels more comfortable in the air than on the ground.

Natalie Gulbis, Beach volleyball: Fairly easy on the eyes.

Michael Phelps, Rowing: Because swimmers are not good at any real sports.

Whatcha know about fashion?

I actually know very little about fashion. Unlike some who were gifted with a high fashion IQ, I have always relied on the genius of others to inform my dress and style. Of course I know how to pick out a striking tie or impressive shit...I just mentally borrow ideas from the fashion trailblazers before me.

Despite not being a writer of dress code, I constantly try to gather ideas that may elevate my sense of style. Whether it's a color scheme on a businessman I walk past on the sidewalk or a flawless cut of suit I see in the pages of GQ, I always have an eye out for that showstopping look.

One man I admit to borrowing from is The Sartorialist. This man is a visionary and a genius. Capturing the mundane street life of major cities, the Sartorialist handpicks the best and brightest in the game of dress. Making the individual the focus of his work, the Sartorialist champions the individualist spirit of fashion. Make it your own or borrow from others. If you are the former, you a true fashion genius.

As for me, I'll stick to the JCrew catalog.

Who does that?

One of my favorite phrases is "Who does that?" The perfect timing to use this phrase is when someone does something completely unthinkable that happens to also be completely hilarious. Usually the answer to the who part of the question is a person who just doesn't give a fuck. They're crazy, they're hilarious. We salute them.

2012

 

The year is 2012. Washington, D.C. is mired in political turmoil and the end is no where in sight. America is afflicted with a serious disease called bipolar disorder. The country can no longer think in terms other than us. vs. them, Main Street vs. Wall Street, and one percent vs. the ninety-nine percent. There is one bright spot however. America has finally learned the concept of credit.

Nearly six-thousand miles away, Damascus, Syria faces an entirely different kind of political turmoil. Their unrest borders all-out civil war. With the state of volatility in Syria, civil war could be realized any day now. Russia and China want the other U.N. Security Council members to butt out. Russia on the other hand wants in. Clearly, Russia still wants its part of the Middle East. Russia's long-term survival rests on $125 per barrel oil prices (currently $116). Oil talks.

Iran and Saudi Arabia jockey to influence the developments in Damascus. Iran is closely aligned with Syria's current Assad regime. By extension, Saudi Arabia favors his opposition. Behind the scenes the two sides plot to out maneuver the other if and when the opposite side decides to move. So far, all is quiet. That could all change any day now. There is no love lost between Iran and Saudi Arabia. Their war is still cold...for now.

Israel cannot help but sit on the edge of its seat. For years, the Israelis have flirted with the idea of attacking Iran's nuclear weapon facilities. Iran's leader has not been shy about expressing his plans for Israel and no one in Israel believes this is an empty threat. If Iran plunges into open warfare on the Middle East subcontinent, Israel finally has the opening to attack Iran under pretenses of war. By aligning with Iran's likely enemy, Saudi Arabia, Israel will not paint itself as the aggressor. 

Back in Washington, a financially-strapped government must decide whether to aid its closest allies in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia and Israel. Since the Bush II administration the GOP has steered clear of foreign policy issues. A familiar faction in the Republican party reemerges in the debate over intervention. Back from a near decade-long hiatus, the neoconservatives bring back foreign policy to the GOP's front and center. Norman Podhoretz is still the wise teacher of this movement that demands Obama  put troops back in the Middle East. It's only been a year since Afghanistan and Iraq have been withdrawn.

The stock market is frozen. Commodity prices sky rocket. In Russia, Putin gets his $125 per barrel oil prices and his budgetary concerns are quelled. There's rampant violence in the Middle East. 

The year is 2012.

Sign Stevie

As the old saying goes, there are only two things guaranteed in life...death and taxes. Fans in Western New York might be familiar with a third guarantee: a terrible draft by their hometown Bills.

It all started in the early 2000s. Up until that point, One Bills Drive had cleaned up in the first round draft pick department. The list looks like this: 1983: Jim Kelly, 1985: Bruce Smith 1995: Ruben Brown, 1996: Eric Moulds, 1999: Antoine Winfield. When you consider that most of these picks were selected in the mid-to-late first round, you only gain more respect for what the Bills front office was able to pull off.


Guided by those very players who the Bills front office had brought together in Buffalo, the team achieved one of the most herculean feats in all of sports. They made the playoffs ten times in a twelve-year span. This historic run included four Super Bowl appearances in a row, a feat no team has and probably never will come close to in the near future. By 1999, the Bills were undoubtedly one of the most feared opponents on any team's schedule.

And then the pass. It was a backwards pass the referees said and that's all there was to it. It landed in the hands of a young wide receiver who would only spend a few years in the NFL. 1999 was his most memorable year and you may know him better as the guy whose arm was one-yard too short of the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history.

Shortly after was the firing.

Wade Phillips, the coach who led the team to three straight .500 or above seasons from 1998-2000 and won 60% of his regular season games (equivalent to 9.6 wins per season) was ousted. He too would never overcome the backwards pass.

In the last NFL draft that Phillips was head coach, Buffalo drafted a young lineman out of Arizona State. No one really knew his name at the time and most people in Buffalo probably don't know his name today. Erik Flowers, a player who would spend five years in the NFL, became the embodiment of Bills draft picks for the next decade.

From 2000 to the present, the Bills have amassed a list of first round draft failures that few other teams could match in a span of two or three decades. The "next-franchise" tackle out of Texas ended up being the worst draft pick in Bills history. The Bills surrendered future first day draft picks to trade back in the first round for J.P. Losman and later John McCargo. The team had the number eleven pick back-to-back years from 2008-2009 and ended up with Leodis McKelvin and Aaron Maybin. Not to be forgotten is the sickening reminder that in a span of seven years, the Bills used three first round draft picks on running backs.

Which brings me to a very important point.

The Bills are not a team who can just replace talent in the draft a la their division "rivals" in New England. You will not find a Rob Gronkowski on the Bills roster to replace a Randy Moss nor a Jerod Mayo to replace a Junior Seau.

That is why the debate among local sport writers on whether Stevie Johnson should be resigned or not is ludicrous. The Bills do not have a young player on offense nearly as established as Johnson nor do they have someone with such star power off the field. Letting Johnson walk would cripple an already feeble offense looking for a bit of hope.

Offer Johnson something comparable to Anquan Boldin in Baltimore or Brandon Lloyd in St. Louis and if he balks at the offer, let him test the market. Once he realizes no team will offer him WR1 money long-term, he will likely be very cooperative in signing a 4 to 5 year deal with the Bills.

It comes down to this: the Bills will never have a Randy Moss or Larry Fitzgerald type receiver because their offense will never pass enough on a consistent basis to create Moss or Fitzgerald individual statistics. Given the current state of the Bills offense, an 80-reception 1,100-yard guy is pretty much the most you could hope for. That's exactly what Stevie Johnson brings to this Buffalo Bills offense.

There is no realistic way that Johnson or any other receiver for that matter could produce better statistics in the Bills offense. That's not a knock on Johnson or whoever is the main target in Buffalo but rather an accurate understanding of the Bills offense and what type of pass/run breakdown is necessary to stay competitive. For Buffalo, that breakdown is more skewed towards the run with a strong 1-2 running back tandem of Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller. When local sportswriters compare Johnson to the top WR1 in the league, I laugh. You can't compare apples and oranges just like you can't compare Bills and Patriots.

Strange attractions

A few years ago, scientists in Toronto discovered the dimensions of a perfect female face. After months of painstaking Google image searches, our friendly neighbors to the north revealed that Shania Twain was the absolute epitome of female beauty. Even though Shania isn't easily impressed, I'm sure she cozied up to the idea that scientific research pinpointed her as the 21st century Helen of Troy.

But let's be honest; not every woman's face has the potential to launch a thousand ships. Everyone has their flaws and there's certainly no shame in it. Take for example Judy Greer (pictured above). You might know Judy as the girl who plays the lead female characters' best friend. Judy dominates this role and has really excelled at solidifying this niche. What's most interesting about Judy however, is her physical appeal.

Conventional wisdom says that Judy is a cute, next door type. I'm quite confident most men would not turn down the chance to be with a girl like her. But when we're talking about knockout, 12-year old boy bedroom poster status, she's just not quite it. Frankly speaking, she is often cited for having a disproportional nose.

Culturally, this is usually not a celebrated feature. Many years of Anglo-Saxon socialization in this country have deemed the perfect female nose as a small, symmetrical protrusion that points slightly up rather than hooking down. There's not much of a fan base behind the aquiline nose (sorry Adrian Brody).

But sometimes, there's exceptions to the rule.

For instance, I find for some girls that a distinguished nose with a slight bump near the bridge is actually quite attractive. I think it's a cute little quirk on some girls that really works for certain individuals. Judy Greer is just one example of a person who it works on.

Now, I'm not advocating for snaggle teeth (but I do see more high fashion models with that distinct gap in between the two front teeth) however, certain features society has traditionally labeled unattractive are not always quite that way. There are countless individuals who have strange attractions to unconventional beauty. In short, all people have their own fetishes and we are all deep down attracted to something that might not sound as appetizing to others. It's the people who openly admit what they're attracted to (yes, I have a huge crush on Judy Greer duh) even in the face of adversity that really make the world a wonderful place to live in. Everyone's imperfect but sometimes imperfection is beautiful. Just think of all the strange crushes you've had and try to say otherwise.

Lifting

  

One of my favorite pop culture terms is the word "meathead." At first it was a highly pejorative term that yuppy intellectual types gave their more physically fit brethren.  "Oh, Michael is such a meat-head, if he's putting up 275 on the bench he must be putting up a 75 IQ."

However, those same "meatheads" did what all great practitioners of psychological warfare do...they embraced the term.

Now, the people using the term meathead, are the meatheads. Embedded in the term's new meaning is a self-deprecating acknowledgment that lifting weights doesn't take much brains. However, also inherent in the new-use of the term is a lack of seriousness about the accuracy behind weight-lifters being just dumb jocks. Meatheads will no longer be offended if you're calling them just that.

So just to clear the air, here's my two cents about lifting weights.

The reason I love lifting (aside from the proven endorphine effect) is because it's one of the few honest pursuits in life. 

In a world where the truth isn't always easy to come by, lifting is as honest as Abraham Lincoln. Everything that you ask of your body to put up a certain amount of weight is very clear cut. You either can or you can't. The weight you are lifting is exactly the weight you think you're lifting. The results you get from an honest workout never lie. This stuff is hard-earned, the way all good things in life should be.

So, that's my stance on lifting. To me, it's as much philosophical as any other activity in life. Because we don't always get what we see, it's nice to finally have something in your life that's 100% honest. Plus, you feel good. Thanks endorphines.

Bachelor Life vs. Real Life

 

So I heard there's this show called The Bachelor and all the ladies love it.

How do I know?

Because it's in Season 15 of the show and you will inevitably hear about if you are in the presence a female anytime between the time of Monday and Tuesday morning. 

As I attempted to come up with a good way to describe the show, I immediately thought of things that were addictive. Naturally, drugs was the most obvious choice.

But what type of drug would The Bachelor be?

Well, a hallucinogen of course.

After all, hallucinogens change a user's perception of reality. What better way to describe this popular network TV show, then to say that it does just that.

But I don't have a gripe about the way The Bachelor is affecting the minds of aspiring wives across the country. To me, it's just reinforcing certain views that were hammered home many years ago.

I'm referring to Disney movies in which lovely princesses are swept off their feet by a charming prince. Playing off of an old social studies phrase they use to throw at us, I like to call this the "Divine Right of Princesses" (instead of kings).

The "Divine Right of Princesses" is all part of an upbringing that begins with a father who tells his daughter that she is a princess. The newly crowned princess relishes her father's attention and trusts that nothing bad will ever happen to her as long as he is there. She sees other princesses going through the same type of treatment. It starts with movies such as The Little Mermaid and Aladdin and then turns into tweenage Disney shows like Hannah Montana. By the time a princess embraces a higher degree of pop culture, she will inevitably gravitate to real life princesses such as Taylor Swift (but hopefully not Paris Hilton).

When the princess comes of age and has to leave her original home, her father performs the utmost due diligence to make sure she is ready. Necessary resources are sent with the princess to her new home including high maximum credit cards, gas guzzling SUV's, and a highly-reliable smartphone so the princess can call her "daddy" whenever things get too out of control. These four years of a princess' life are called college and they can be rough. This is also the first time she might find her first real prince.

The princess will do a thorough search but she will not settle for anything. If four years go by without finding "the one" the first natural thought will be to go to graduate school. This makes plenty of sense because in graduate school, the possible pool is much more selective (I've heard someone say, "undergrad is where you go to have fun. Grad school is where you go to find a husband'). If graduate school is not an option (or she can't get in based on her undergraduate college performance), things get much more complicated. Dating sites are a possibility but the real princes, like Eric from The Little Mermaid or Prince Philip from Sleeping Beauty are not members. Life turns into a complicated dating scene and sitcoms about post-college singles become an easy way to escape from reality (and yes, I am referring to Friends and How I Met Your Mother).

But then came along The Bachelor, the idea that the perfect prince charming was at your fingertips and all you had to do was wear a cute dress and appear before millions. This was something all single (and even non-single) hopeless romantics would just sink for. Go on a date on a multimillion dollar yacht, go cliff diving in the Caribbean or take a helicopter tour of a foreign countryside.

Not to be forgotten is the fact that you have to vie for his heart against several fierce competitors...oh wait, I mean potential romantic interests.

This recurrent theme can be described by an age-old two-word phrase: cat fight.

This is the one "redeeming quality" I do appreciate in The Bachelor. While I don't condone the fairy tales that this ratings-monster enforces, I acknowledge that it hasn't created this fantasy either. That has been taken care of by hundreds of years of socialization and does not look like it will change anytime soon. I accept it for what it is, but let's be very clear...average guys are not benefiting from this show in any way shape or form.

Egypt, New York

Egypt, New York is a small township in the western part of the state. In order to find it on a map, you will have to reference the most local atlas at your library. There are hardly any search inquiries for Egypt on the internet. Search Egypt, NY and you will probably be directed to a flight booking website offering flights from New York City to Cairo. The most famous person from Egypt is probably the local pastor. Everyone in Egypt, NY probably knows each other and likes each other as well.

That's why I was surprised when protesters in Madison, WI were comparing their living conditions to the people in Egypt. Since most of these Midwesterners have never been to the Middle East, it only made sense to me that they were referring to Egypt, NY. Of course it seemed unlikely that so many Wisconsinites knew this quaint town a few miles away from where I grew up, but this seemed like the only logical explanation for their deep knowledge of the conditions in Egypt.

But as I listened and observed to what they were saying about Egypt and how it related to their current "struggle" in Madison, I realized they were actually alluding to the recent protests in Egypt...the country. I understood the protest parallel but frankly, it made little to no sense to me how this union protest in Madison, WI, one of the most liberal friendly towns in America, could remind anyone of the turbulent and sometimes violent struggle thousands of miles away.

There was one sign that read, "I went to Rome, and came back to Egypt." Clearly, the bearer of this sign must have experienced harsh dictatorship, unaffordable food prices and fear of death when he got home. Sounds like he should have stayed in Rome.

I guess it becomes even more obvious how absurd these metaphor slinging, attention-whores have gotten, when their standard bearer, Mr. Jon Stewart, has dropped them like they're hot.

On his quasi-news, quasi-comedy, yet totally entertaining, Daily Show, Stewart called out those stupid enough to make the Madison to Egypt comparison by setting the facts straight. First, that people have very short memories and tend to use the most recent news story to create some kind of world narrative that doesn't quite add up. Protest is part of human nature. Just because two are going on at the same time does not mean that they are in any way, shape or form, related (direct quote from Stewart). In fact, I even believe some protesters in Madison thought they were carrying some imaginary torch passed on to them from Egypt, when they decided to take to the streets. When I hear such sentiments as "I'm now part of history" I cannot refrain from taking the protesters less seriously. Last time I checked, history only takes place years after a given time or event. Maybe, it's the social networking phenomenon that convinced us that we can instantly be a part of history. After all, that kind of technology has already made us more self-oriented than ever before.

The second point Stewart made was no where in Madison, WI nor the United States of America for that matter, are protesters being exposed to oncoming bullets or savage mob activity. In fact, people around the world have been providing free food and drink to the Madison protesters, via local delivery services. I think it would be nice if some of the protesters in Egypt had gotten a free slice of pizza when they were trying to dodge bullets. It would only seem fair.

The third point, and most revealing in my mind, was reminding everyone that Governor Walker was elected with 52% of the state's vote just months ago. Everyone knew who Scott Walker was and what he was going to do. Those who didn't, should have done some research on him or not have voted for him in the first place. Supposedly, there should be around 52% of Wisconsinites who agree with this collective bargain-squashing bill. Unfortunately, there are much less than that figure, because people didn't do their homework. Or maybe, the Obamaniacs weren't as energized as they were in 2008 and weren't able to swing a very impressionable segment of the Wisconsin population. Either way, Walker is no Mubarak. If anything, he's just the tails on a heads or tails flip for control of the governorship (or at least the way it usually breaks down in such a purple state).

What's most disturbing about this sensationalism is that it does not give brave protesters who risk their lives for what they believe in, a fair shake. By making outlandish comparisons to situations we don't even understand, we are minimalizing the contribution those in the Middle East are making towards democracy (or at least hopefully, towards that end). I know, it's not a lot of people who were making this analogy but it would have been assuring if those in their ranks could have spoken up and told them to leave the bull shit at home. That above most other things, would have at least convinced me that these protesters in Madison, WI have some real courage.

Thou Shalt Not: Real Talk Commandments

Long time, no post. I'll just give it the old "I've been busy line." Between new work and disfunctional computers, it's not easy to blog. Then again, nobody said it'd be easy...

In the spirit of such list-inspired sites such as Brobible.com and BustedCoverage.com, I've decided to start an ongoing list of life's "Do's and Don'ts". For all intensive purposes, this will be a pretty universal list...in other words, there will be a little something for everyone. However, I will put out make a disclaimer that there will be more male-geared advice than female. Why? Because, I don't quite understand the female mind as say would...an actual female. Hopefully that suffices.

Anyways, I'll hit you with a few of these words of wisdom, which I'll just call my Real Talk Commandments. Look for more installments in the future.

1. Roll with cash...

Whether you're a personal finance guru or a dimwit who owes hundreds of thousands to Visa and Mastercard, you should know one thing....always roll with cash. Okay, so this is a bit over-generalized, I know, but there's never a situation in life where it's good to leave the house without some paper money. I say at least a $20 is pretty standard (I prefer 21 because I consider it a lucky charm) but something is better than nothing. If you like to go out on weekends, rolling with cash is a must. Research how much money you usually spend each weekend and then withdraw that amount (in cash) from your bank on Friday afternoon. When you go out, leave half of it at home and then bring half with you (for Friday and Saturday). You should have about as much money as you'll need (maybe a little less if it's a Dude, Where's My Car? night). This way, you won't have to open a tab and say, forget your card or write an absurd tip amount on the cashier's receipt. Also, for a lot of bars, bartenders prefer cash because they get it right away. Some beverage establishments don't allow their bartenders to draw cash out of the registers at the end of the night. So even if you think you'll end up spending all your cash at the bar because you're carrying around cash, at least you know you're not spending much more than you would on any other given night (Warning: Do bring a credit card just in case you need some $$$ for a cab or something...but you only need one card...the others could get lost when you epically lose your wallet).

2. Don't get into an argument with a hot girl...

This one you'll never win. There's a generally accepted principle that you shouldn't get into arguments with girls in the first place. The escalation process is very one-sided and you really have to back down when things could get physical (and not good physical). Obviously, life isn't always how we expect it and you will run into a few foul-mouthed, inconsiderate individuals of the XX-type. Yeah, you wish you could give them a real piece of your mind, but that's why you roll with a few girls of your own (friends and/or actual girlfriend). If you have an assertive entourage of the fairer sex, you can have them help with the dirty work, that is, using the words that only make you look like an asshole when you use them (this is why it's called the Real Talk Commandments). If things get really bad, leave the drink spilling and hair pulling to them. Don't worry, they have the proper training.

The only time when it's worse than getting into an argument with a girl, is getting into an argument with a hot girl. Let's paint the picture.

Chances are the only reason you are getting into an argument with a hot girl is not by choice. If it was up to you, you would be spitting the normal game you usually spit on a Friday night when you typically get shot down. That's a given. However, on the rare occasion where an argument just naturally develops, you are pretty much fucked. You can call her a slut, call her ugly, or call her fat...but you know all of these are untrue. When you resort to these contrived insults, you are only making the situation worse and further ruining your night and reputation at that given bar. Even worse is the looming possibility that the hot girl's super-jacked, protein-shake guzzling boyfriend is nearby. In this case, no one will have your back.

If you're not a hot girl, you've come to realize that they're the most privileged class of people on earth. Every girl wants to be them and every guy wants to be with them. Even if you're feuding with one, you still want to sleep with her because she's hot. It's a sick reality. The best idea is to have a girlfriend who is hot and also know a lot of hot girls who consider you their friend. This is the best way to hedge against being in the position of helpless guy getting into an argument with hot girl.

3. You should respect your elders but not the ones who are complete assholes to you...

I'm very old school and believe in such principles as respecting your elders and chivalry. You help an old lady at the grocery store and let ladies sit down before you. It's mostly something you grow up with and continue on the rest of your life. Most of the time you don't get recognized for these acts but that's not why we do them. It's just part of being a good citizen of the world (sounds a bit weak, but I'm deep like that).

One thing I won't put up with is letting an old person step all over you and be a complete asshole. There's a difference between respecting your elders and letting a person who just happened to be born before you say anything they want to you and as a result make you feel like shit. I'm sorry but I think you have a right to put someone in their place even if they're older than you.

A few weeks ago, a really old cab driver came up to me at work and complained how bad our business had become. I tried to spin it positive but this old geezer was just full of the dark side. Complained about the cleanliness of the building, the people who worked there and how he hated coming there. He then proceeded to use our bathroom and leave. So, my first instinct was to understand that he's a senior citizen who probably doesn't have much going in his life and probably never has. How can you blame a person for not being in love with life if his life sucks? Smile and say goodbye right?

But that has nothing to do with making another individual feel like they are a bad person. If you're in a position where some geriatric sour apple is just railing at you as a person or things that you stand for, you don't have to just stand there and nod. If you're at work like I was, of course you do, but in your own personal life, absolutely not. Tell them that they're out of line and just because they're old, that doesn't give them a right to say anything they want to. If they disagree on continue on with their rant, then you can put them in their place...geriatric fuck.

Giada

Giada De Laurentiis is the host of a cooking show on the Food Network. She reminds me of Natalie Portman if Natalie Portman looked more like a pornstar. Giada is one of many underrated female TV personalities who deserve more attention. Also on this list include: Erin Burnett, Amanda Drury, Jeannie Mai, Reshma Shetty (okay, she's an actress but very underrated), Jenn Brown, and Robin Meade.

Now you can ask and they can tell

This morning, the U.S. Senate repealed the controversial military policy of "Don't ask, don't tell." The vote basically split on party lines (65-31) with eight Republicans joining fifty-five Democrats and two Independents to overturn the ban on openly gay citizens serving in the military.

Looking at this from a civil rights perspective, today's decision is a step in the right direction for anyone who advocates for equal rights in this country. While I don't believe in individuals getting special privileges just because they belong to a certain identity group, I highly support rectifying the existing inequalities in this society so we as Americans can truly say we live in the greatest country in the world (which we do).

This starts with allowing gays to openly serve in the military. No more old wives tales of gays being disruptive to "morale, good order and discipline." Clearly, if there's sexual assault going on in the military, its more likely to be between heterosexual male members and their female peers. To the panic-stricken Americans who think this decision will affect the military's competitive advantage, please get the images out of your head that Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is going to be enlisting anytime soon. If anything, this decision benefits the already dedicated (gay) soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan who have never had the peace of mind to feel fully comfortable with themselves in the very high pressure environments they currently serve. To that, sixty-five senators today made the right decision.

For those senators who did not see eye-to-eye with the movement to repeal (and by extension, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Michael Mullen who under oath voiced their support for the repeal) I at least give them their right to disagree. While there are two sides to every argument, the way ban supporters went about making their case did little more than injure the United States' reputation as a champion of equal rights and toleration. The dialogue that emerged from this debate was at times every much as backwards as the policy itself (go figure). If the ban supporters had legitimate arguments to back up their claims I would cut them a bit of slack. However, this was a sad display by the Republican party, who finally had the opportunity to put some of their antiquated social politics to rest. To Scott Brown, Richard Burr, Susan Collins, John Ensign, Mark Kirk, Lisa Murkowski, Olympia Snowe and George Voinovich, kudos for being on the "right" side of the argument this time. To the thirty-one Republicans who voted no, including a man I admire, John McCain, please come up with a better argument next time so you won't make yourselves look so bitter and intolerant.

It's bad enough we have snotty liberals like Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow telling us how they're right all the time. By voting no on the don't ask, don't tell repeal, Republicans just made the far left look a bit less conceited and much more mainstream. It just seems that the GOP can't find the center when it comes to social issues.

Money doesn't buy you happiness revisited

Maybe a more appropriate title for this blogpost might be "be careful what you wish for."

This morning, Mark Madoff, son of infamous white collar criminal Bernie Madoff, was found dead in his apartment. Mark, 46, committed suicide in his home on Saturday, shortly after sending his wife an email asking her to check on their 2-year old child. The child, who was in the home at the time of the incident, was found unharmed according to investigators.

Mark Madoff was a highroller who benefitted immensely from the money his father stole from unsuspecting investors. Although Mark worked closely with his father and brother Andrew, at the moment there are no legal charges filed against the now-deceased 46-year old father of two.

The news this morning only fuels the intrigue surrounding this real-life drama. Native New Yorkers have seen the story all over the city for the past several months. There seems to be a certain mystique to the rise-and-fall of Madoff. Last week, a personal auction, selling several of Madoff's personal belongings was held, generating quite a bit of interest. Obviously, there seems to be an added element of interest in this story, which has been not only the talk at local watercoolers, but private dinner tables as well.

Outside of New York, the Madoff saga has become the ultimate symbol for Wall Street greed and a microcosm for why the financial system needs to be more tightly regulated. Yes, it's easy to see why this might be the case, but for a lot of people, the story is becoming part of an anti-business crusade that is losing a coherent focus. Madoffs bad, middle class good, but unfortunately it's more complicated than that.

With today's report of Mark Madoff's death, the obvious question of whether his father, who is currently incarcerated for 150 years, can attend his son's memorial service comes to light. Shouldn't a man, despite his wrongdoings be able to bury his son in the ground? There has been precedent for this kind of arrangement as well. So let Bernie Madoff make his peace with his son, right?

Well, the way I look at it, Bernie Madoff was directly responsible for his son's death. Just as he was directly responsible for his son's wealthy upbringing and lifestyle, Bernie Madoff created the problems that would plague his son and lead to his death. Death threats, decaying health, and the dark thoughts that must follow any man who thinks millions of people hate his guts are the reason why two children are now fatherless this morning. The man responsible? Well, he can add eternal guilt to the 150 years he will be spending away from society.

To me, this is not a story that tells us that money doesn't buy happiness. Obviously, money provided the Madoff's with a lifestyle that made them very, very happy. But was their happiness just an illusion? To that, I say most likely not. The only point where the Madoff's fairy tale lifestyle become an all-out nightmare was when the Ponzi scheme went broke and investors began catching onto Bernie Madoff's illegal operation.

What I will say is, above all else, this story warns us to be careful what we wish for. Even if we want oodles and oodles of money, we better visit a genie that at least took business ethics at a graduate school level. If not, bad things are not out of the question. For the Madoffs, the bad things in life have yet to cease. From reading the demise of families in certain Shakespeare tales, I would say there could be some more misery yet in store.

Throwback songs used in commercials

I've noticed recently that a lot of commercials these days feature music from decades past. I'll be the first one to admit that this phenomenon is nothing new...actually it's been going on for quite some time and it makes plenty of sense why (older music is more easy to identify, appeals to a larger demographic). What I find interesting about this choice of marketing is the underlying motivation behind its use. Currently, I have a theory that older music is being chosen for new commercials because it gives viewers a sense of nostalgia for times when the country was in a much better state. People associate the mid-twentieth century in the United States with widespread economic prosperity. Companies today can recreate that feeling of economic prosperity (by using classic songs) when consumerism was at an all-time high. Be sure to be on the look out next time you see a commercial playing on TV and you hear that timeless classic from the 50's, 60's or 70's.

The video above comes from Hewlett-Packard's 2010 "Happy Baby" commercial. The song selection comes from Melanie Safka's 1971 hit, Brand New Key. The lyrics go, I got a brand new pair of roller skates, You got a brand new key, I think that we should get together and try them out you see. If you listen to the song or know anything about when it was written, you will hear that timeless feel to it with a little bit of folk melody mixed in (Safka said it reminded her of an old thirties tune). Besides being one of my favorite commercials today, it also plays of the whole nostalgia theme quite well, giving a potentially bland product a unique appeal that transcends reasonable explanation. Why should we want an HP printer because of some addicting song? Well for one, it reminds us of the must-have products Americans started buying in bulk in the mid-twentieth century (luxury home items that soon became necessity home items, i.e. certain household appliances). That's what you call clever marketing my friend.

The John Wall Dance

My favorite dance in sports right now is the John Wall Dance (as seen above). I know it's nothing new, but since Wall has been getting a lot of press lately, I thought it was quite relevant. Basically, Wall holds his arm up looking like he's about to flex but instead he rotates his wrist back and forth creating a showstopping dance move. The move itself is very simple. I think the appeal of the move is how understated it appears to onlookers. The John Wall Dance is easy to learn, fun to do, and looks incredibly suave when performed right. All in all, this move packs a whole lot of punch. Who would have guessed that a guy with a name sounding like he took part in the First Great Awakening could come up with something so addicting?

Here's a video of Wall doing his thing as a freshmen at Kentucky. A small shoutout must be given to Dorrough for providing the catchy background music.

Hillary 2012? Would she be a better fit than Obama as president?

I know Hillary Clinton is a very divisive figure in the world of politics. Ever since the end of her husband's presidency, Hillary has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Her polished presentation (maybe too robotic in many people's opinions), ambition for power (seriously, Senator of NY?), and familiar last name (for those political dynasty-haters) have created a strong anti-Hillary movement. I myself must admit that Hillary has never been my cup of tea (maybe you could guess by my moderate conservativeness). After seeing her campaign in 2008 fail miserably, I felt pretty good about not having to worry about Hillary ever moving back into the White House.

With the state of affairs in this country today, I've given a lot of thought to who the future leaders of this country should be. Being someone who values moderate political actors (I like politicians who can stand up to their own party. After all, parties are more about themselves, not so much about everyday citizens), I've never been a big fan of both the far left or far right. Even though I consider myself a moderate conservative (on economic issues primarily), if the Republican party nominates a partisan, far right candidate I do not support, I will simply not vote for him. What matters to me most is that we have elected officials who will focus on the country's most pressing issues (not waste 15 months of dialogue on comprehensive health care) and be able to reach out to the people in order to gain support for legislation. Lately, even some Democrats are reconsidering if Obama was the best person to do that.

Like I mentioned in a previous blog post, I deeply respect Obama and admire the way he deals with criticism and the thoughtfulness he puts into most of his decisions. It's not Obama's fault this country is dealing with huge spending issues (but he could add to the already existing problems by further indiscriminate government spending) and unemployment is so high. There are serious flaws in our economy (we need to be innovative and take the lead back in manufacturing, exports) and society (the brightest young minds are not going into fields where they can even the playing field with foreign competitors) that have been brewing for decades. Americans became content with living in nice suburban homes and driving nice SUV's. Soon enough, other nations caught up as we lost our edge and jobs were lost in the process. The real change Obama should have been making tangible to the public mind was the change in attitude of competing with fellow Americans to an attitude of competing with the rest of the world. I'm not saying Obama didn't have this focus in mind, I'm just saying the discourse was too broad that many of his supporters used the message of change to give hope to their own selfish pursuits rather than to revitalize the world's greatest economy.

So what does this have to do with Hillary?

Reading a recent Washington Post article by Dana Milbank, I found myself envisioning what a Hillary Clinton presidency might look like. To be honest, this is something I would have been completely against before (prior to 2009), but with Obama struggling to find his niche in the executive role and the Tea Party manipulating elections nationwide, I began to entertain the idea of supporting Hillary in 2012 if she decides to run. Some say she's as liberal as they come, but in reality, I came into the 2008 primaries thinking Hillary was far more conservative than Obama (especially on foreign policy). Either way, the prospect of her versus Obama or a candidate right of the Tea Party assembly line, doesn't seem too bad to me at the moment. Maybe it's just misguided nostalgia for the mid-1990's but I honestly think now might be the right time for Hillary to give it another go.

The 10 Best Linebackers: 2005-2010

Being a Western NY sports guy, the arrival of Shawne Merriman in Buffalo intrigued me quite a bit. Although the Bills are notorious for acquiring players 3 years after their prime (Terrell Owens, Lawyer Milloy, Drew Bledsoe), the team has nothing to lose at this point (actually at 0-7, they still have 9 games to lose).

Even a modest contribution from Merriman would be an improvement over most of the Bills current defensive players. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting big things from Mr. "Lights Out", but I'd at least like to see what this guy can do in a Buffalo unifrom when healthy. Remember, this is the same player who finished 3rd in the AP Defensive Player of the Year voting in 2006 (finishing behind Jason Taylor and Champ Bailey).

If you're thinking Merriman can't contribute on the field without steroids, let me just remind you that #56 was suspended for steroid use prior to his 3rd place finish in the 2006 Defensive Player of the Year voting. In just 12 games after the suspension, Merriman tallied a league-leading 17 sacks as well as 4 forced fumbles. Knee and calf injuries have plagued Merriman since 2008. Up until that point, Merriman had made the Pro Bowl in all three seasons, including 2 First-Team All-Pro selections and 1 Second-Team All-Pro selection. If Merriman's legs can hold up, Buffalo will be getting an All-Pro linebacker whose still only 26 years old. For a team lacking a dominant pass rusher, this just might be what the doctor ordered.

Since I've already given you a little blast from the recent past, I thought why not come up with a list of the 10 Best Linebackers from 2005-2010. I guess this list is tailored to put Merriman on it at some point (because Merriman was drafted by the Chargers in 05') but I carefully constructed it to be as fair as possible.

1. Ray Lewis, Baltimore Ravens. The guy has been selected to eleven Pro Bowls in fourteen seasons. He doesn't every seem to fade away either. His Week 2 tackle against Darren Sproles in 2009 epitomized Lewis' career: always knowing where to make the right play at the right time. His technique is flawless.

2. Patrick Willis, San Francisco 49ers. Has made the Pro Bowl in every year since he was drafted in 2007. Also won Defensive Rookie of the Year. In his rookie season, Willis record 20 total tackles, 2 sacks, 1 forced fumble and 1 pass deflection against the Bucs in Week 16.

3. Brian Urlacher, Chicago Bears. Until injuries started to derail him midway through the 2008 season, a case could be made for Urlacher as the best linebacker from 2005 up until mid-2008. Urlacher won Defensive Player of the Year in 2005 and led his team to the Super Bowl in 2006. One play that will always endure in my mind is a play Urlacher chased down Michael Vick from behind in a primetime game in 2005. 

4. Demeco Ryans, Houston Texans. With Brian Cushing's controversial and explosive year in 2009, many forgot about Ryans, the heart and soul of the Texans defense. Ryans was named 2007 Defensive Rookie of the Year and has made two Pro Bowls in four seasons.

5. Joey Porter, Arizona Cardinals. If you asked Porter, he would be #1 on this list. A four-time Pro Bowler with 92 sacks in 11 seasons, Porter certainly deserves to be on this list.

6. James Harrison, Pittsburgh Steelers. Didn't see much playing time until 2007. From that point on, Harrison has made a major impact on Mike Tomlin's defense. Harrison won Defensive Player of the Year in 2009 and made the game-changing play in the Steelers Super Bowl win against the Cardinals the same year.

7. Lofa Tatupu, Seattle Seahawks. He made the Pro Bowl his first three years in the league. After missing all of 2009, Tatupu is looking like his usual self again this year.

8. Shawne Merriman, Buffalo Bills. Back in his "Lights Out" days, he left nothing on the field.

9. Mike Vrabel, Kansas City Chiefs. A versatile linebacker who was an integral part of the Patriots dynasty in the 2000's. Maybe his name looks like it shouldn't be on this list, but Vrabel was one of the constants on a defense that won 3 Super Bowls.

10. Jon Beason, Carolina Panthers. Because he came out the same year Willis did (see #2) Beason is often overshadowed when people discuss talented young linebackers. Beason has played in two Pro Bowls in three years and finished runner-up to Willis in Defensive Rookie of the Year voting in 2007.

Petreaus-Pawlenty 2012: A likely win the Tea Party wouldn't let happen.

Does the Tea Party like winning or does it just like to be provocative? In less than two years, we will find out the answer to that question when the 2012 presidential election is held. Even before then, Tea Partiers will have an incredible amount of influence in choosing who the 2012 Republican presidential nominee will be. Judging from its power grab in the 2010 midterm elections, the Tea Party will back one of their own (probably Sarah Palin) and try as best as they can to undermine the support for a more centrist candidate.

This is foolhardy in my opinion. If the Tea Party really wants to remove President Obama, they should do so using a realistic approach. If Palin wins the nomination, she will garner no across-the-aisle support (McCain had some support from Democrats from older voters in 2008). On top of that, her image cannot be resuscitated among independents. 2008 did too much damage to the Palin brand. Unless the country bends backwards before 2012, independents will want nothing to do with Mama Grizzly.

Unfortunately for those non-Tea Partyers who want an alternative to Obama, the Tea Party will likely decide who that challenger will be. Qualified candidates from the Republican party will be pushed aside or more likely decide not to run at all because of Tea Party bullying. What we won't see in 2012 is what happened in 2008: a moderate Republican winning the Republican nomination. Sorry moderates, but your place in the party is being hijacked. 

So expect a Tea Party-backed candidate in 2012. Although it's a wide-open field with plenty of time left until the race, the likely front runners look to be Palin and Mike Huckabee at this point. Too bad, because a ticket with General David Petreaus would have been a sure win for Obama opponents. If 2012 becomes an election year about national security (which I think it very well may become), no one would shine brighter than Petreaus, the greatest military figure of his generation. Pair him with Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty (a guy with bonafide executive experience and success) and you have yourself a dream ticket for 2012. 

Too bad Petreaus will likely never enter the political arena. With the Tea Party looking over the shoulder of any non-supporter, it looks like many qualified men or women will not throw their hat in the ring. Rather, the Tea Party will only attack the current Republican establishment in hopes of elevating their own status in the national scene. Someone should tell the Tea Partyers that the Thirteen Colonies won the Revolution, they didn't just show up to lose the battles.

CNBC Debate: Mandy Drury or Erin Burnett



I love watching television. There's just something about staring at a screen and believing everything I see on it is so much better than real life. I actually came up with a rule for my TV watching habits about a year ago. The rule goes, if a certain show makes me dumber for watching it, I can't watch. Therefore, no VH1. I do make exceptions however (Jersey Shore, Real World, even though those are on MTV) because the humor in some shows actually makes me more intelligent (in terms of pop culture knowledge).


Recently, I've been glued to CNBC (the channel definitely passes my rule). The programs on the channel follow the day's market and then at night when the market closes, it usually goes to special programming (Biography on CNBC is one of my favorites). In terms of access, CNBC has great interview segments with major business leaders around the world. Their TV personalities are extremely knowledgable and know how to play the part as well as look the part.


Any casual or serious viewer of CNBC will notice the undeniable sex appeal of their female anchors. Perhaps they've caught onto the trend that sex sells (tried and true since the Stone Ages) because many of the veteran personalities have been "sexing" it up as of late. A key example is Erin Burnett (pictured above on the right). Burnett is a 34-year old former businesswoman who co-anchors Squawk on the Street. From her background, one might not expect Burnett to be your typical knockout. She graduated from Williams College and worked as a financial analyst for Goldman Sachs before moving into media. If you check her out from back in the day, you will certainly notice Burnett has a very "cute" look, but not necessarily a "sexy" one.


One of Burnett's colleagues is named Amanda Drury. Mandy, as she is affectionately called, hosts several shows on CNBC. A recent addition, Drury comes from the Land Down Under, graduating from the University of Melbourne and working for CNBC Asia before her arrival in the states. As opposed to Burnett, you can tell Drury has always been the hottest girl in the room wherever she is. CNBC execs are not shy about letting Mandy go on the air with suggestive clothing (pictured above on the left) and male viewers (and some female I'm sure) probably don't mind to say the least (my friend and fellow blogger informed me how his office does not allow his coworkers to watch CNBC anymore because anchors like Drury are too distracting and decrease productivity).


Burnett and Drury both are bonafide eye candy. No one can deny this fact. Whereas Drury (imagine the girl pictured above with an authentic Australian accent and incredible business knowledge) is the "I know I'm hot, you can only have me in your dreams" kind-of-girl, Burnett is the girl who has just realized how attractive she really is and wants everyone to know it (the smartest girl you know, who can rock a business suit and make you think she's the coolest girl you know as well). Personally, I really think guys' preference for Burnett or Drury comes down to the classic blonde vs. brunette debate. Most guys I know say, "I'd fuck the blonde, then marry the brunette." What proper language indeed. But to be honest, this is what all guys talk about. Some guys are for blondes others brunettes. Me? I like both, but nobody likes a waffler.


So in the debate that is Burnett vs. Drury, I will have to side with Burnett. Although blondes may have more fun, score one for the brunettes in this case.